I woke up with the same headache, and Greg's alarm clock didn't help. I told him, he gave me an aspirin, and told me to let him know if it didn't work, or I needed another one at lunch. I and the others went through the usual routine of calisthenics and showers. I was able to keep my eyes down and my mind free of those wrong kinds of thoughts. Then came the bus ride to the academy, and breakfast. James and his trio of terror joined us, and I felt awkward with the four of them there. I wasn't able to prevent myself from looking at them, and thinking of what I had seen of them out in the woods. I got hard and felt like a pervert. That of course put me into a rotten, foul mood.
The classes went into more detail on the material and the assignment for it. Robert and I talked about how neat it would be to use a telescope to look at and even track down stars. I was looking forward to it.
Lunch was a rowdy mess of cute, once-naked boys that teased me with merely their presence. Dennis had an incredible smile, and his short, red hair was almost orange, making his brows nearly invisible and his blue-gray eyes stand out all that much more. The glimpses of his more developed body sprang up into my thoughts again and again. It seemed as if I couldn't stop them. And once the sight of Dennis came so often, so did the sight of James. Then of course, the twins.
I felt even more like a pervert and fell into an even deeper, fouler mood.
Outdoor Survival assigned us basic gear, and we were sized and fitted into a harness. Then we were given the backpack. It was massive. I had to carry my own tent, camping gear, and food and water for five miles into the woods, then five miles back. It was insane. Most of the class bragged about Scouts, Eagles, and merit badges, things I had avoided. I didn't see myself finishing the class.
It was Friday, and my parents were coming tomorrow, as were many others. Some kids would leave, others would arrive. The first week of classes was now over, and I hadn't felt like I had learned anything. The idea of indexing notes in that new way was interesting, but otherwise, I felt the whole week had been a waste. When they hadn't been talking about the class material or the assignment, they had been talking about how to perform that assignment or project, or pointing out methods of doing the kind of work the assignment demanded. They not only wanted us to learn the material of the assignment, they wanted us to learn how to learn it.
Some classes we worked alone, some with a partner, some in a small group. Outdoor Survival required having a partner for different things at different times, but they rotated so that it was always someone else. Otherwise, it was a group effort of all twenty-something boys and three girls, one of which was one of the three staff leaders.
After dinner, Robert wanted to go swimming and talked me into going. I grabbed my towel, flip-flops, and trunks. It was clear we were supposed to shower before going into the pool, and I was ready for a clinical change in the locker room, studiously ignoring what was going on around me.
I looked at Robert and almost gasped. Those bad thoughts and images started up with real intensity. He had dropped his jeans and boxers, completely, right there at his bunk. Again. And this time I got an entire eyeful. Two eyes full. Not only was it rather long, it was rather thick, and he looked like he could be sixteen judging by the hair there and the boy in the nearly pornographic health film. It was full and plump, almost as if he were excited. His sack hung low, unlike most I had seen, and his balls were larger than any I had seen yet outside of magazines or that health film. I had seen him without a shirt plenty of times before, and in various solid-colored, soft, cloth boxers, but now I saw why it had looked pointed behind those boxers. His long foreskin gathered at the tip and came almost to a point. It was fascinating. I had seen much the same before in the showers, but on much smaller ones. Seeing that on a much larger penis made it seem almost weird. I could just make out the outline of the edges around his head. It looked long and swept back on top. It all swung and swayed as he put his legs into his Speedos and pulled them up.
Changing was now impossible. I couldn't let him see what state I was in, nor how I was nearly in a panic to prevent it from getting any worse. I looked back into my towel and tried to think of something to stall until he went ahead. I checked my pants and my wallet, and pretended something was missing. I looked around on the floor and inside the dresser.
As he closed his dresser and locked it, he asked what was wrong. I told him I had dropped a key, and it was the only one I had, and how I had to find it. He said he would help, but I told him to go ahead and I'd look for it and catch up with him as soon as I found it. He nodded and wished me good luck, then walked toward the showers. I watched him and wondered why I was so struck by boys, and him.
I was glad he was walking away. His Speedos were small and tight, and his butt was full and round. The thoughts that filled my mind were so very bad. I put my head in my hands and wished I knew some way to push the gay out of me, simply and easily. I knew that if I didn't, it would only lead to another something that hadn't happened, and it might be worse than the first. I wouldn't be moving away this time, for one thing.
I wondered how I could just be normal.
Three kids came in, laughing and talking, and I pretended I was reading. Once they had gotten settled on a bed and began playing cards, I sighed in relief and walked out. I changed in the locker room, clinically and with my eyes on the floor. After a quick trip through the showers, I was in the hot, steamy, loud pool area. It wasn't large, and there were a lot of kids in it, but half of its length was roped off for others to swim laps while the kids went crazy in the other half. I saw Robert hanging off the edge in the water on the calm side, so I headed to that end of the pool.
I looked for a place to keep my glasses, found a shelf on the lifeguard chair with another pair on it already, put mine down with them, and joined Robert in the water. It was warm and felt good. It was a relief to get myself into the water and out of view. Without my glasses, it was almost impossible to see the other boys in their trunks, and I started to relax as the two of us swam around in the less crowded side, pretending to do laps with the serious swimmers.
Eventually Robert gave me a few tips, and I was moving through the water much faster and easier than ever before. We swapped a few pertinent words, and made jokes about a few as well. He found a coin on the bottom of the pool, and we started throwing it out from the end and racing to get to it. Before I knew it, they whistled us out of the pool. I couldn't believe it was six already.
Back in the cabin, I had a hard time of it. The showers had been easy, as I didn't wear my glasses and only rinsed off as I walked through. I changed at my locker as Robert sat nearby. He hadn't brought clean clothes. I dressed quickly, and last I dried my glasses and put them on. Then we walked out. Back in our cabin, several other boys were sitting around on various bunks, and paid us no attention at all. At our bunks, as I put my wet trunks over the head rail of my bunk, Robert dropped his trunks, toweled off further, and got dressed.
I grabbed up Dune and opened it to my bookmark, and promised myself that I wouldn't look. I managed not to, but only because I hid my eyes in my book. He finished changing and brushed his hair with his fingers and asked if I was ready. I nodded and followed him to dinner.
Dinner was great, as expected. After, on our bunks, we swapped a few more words between stories from James once he returned. There was a movie playing in the main cabin, but I wasn't interested. James and almost everyone else was, so Robert and I were left alone with four other boys who were playing cards on a bunk.
There was almost no way not to notice that Robert adjusted himself several times as we sat quietly reading. Each time he did, my mind locked onto the many images of his nakedness, and my body reacted predictably. He said something in German that made absolutely no sense to me at all. I threw him a confused look, and as he walked around the end of my bunk, he turned to face me so that the other boys were behind him and couldn't see him make a stroking gesture in front of his jeans as he said, "Wichsen es." It was obvious what he was signaling. I had no idea how anyone could be so brave as to announce their intentions to masturbate. And I learned a new word for jerking it.
He went into the bathroom. The four boys didn't notice, or care. I returned to my book, doing the very best that I could not to think about what Robert was doing in that little room. I wasn't supposed to know when some other boy was doing that. It wasn't normal, was it? It sure wasn't normal to want to go watch him, or join him, or help him out. Or to be hard even thinking about it.
My body kept telling me it was time to do so myself. I almost groaned from the feelings that coursed through my groin as my dick tried to push its way through the material of my briefs and jeans. I brought my legs up to my chest and kept reading, hoping that if I ignored it, it would go away.
It wasn't very long before Robert was back. I didn't look up at him as he walked by or sat down. The four boys hadn't seemed to notice or care. I tried to get the blush off my face, and hoped that he wouldn't notice it. It was hard to swallow. I wanted to take my turn, and almost did, but the fear that the boys playing cards would notice me made it difficult, and Robert knowing for sure, made it impossible. I had to use the bathroom, though, so I did, quickly.
Robert and I swapped words and read. Near nine, the boys came back from the movie. They were all excited and animated, and James fit right in. Robert and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
I kept my eyes to my book as James, Robert, and the others got undressed or changed for bed. At lights-out, I put down my book and my head, and tried to sleep. I tried, but naughty thoughts, feelings, and images wouldn't leave me alone. I only wanted to be normal, like everyone else, so I wouldn't be picked on or bothered, or hated, or ever tricked into anything again. If I was a nice, normal, average boy, and I kept to the background, in the shadows, ignored, I would be safe.