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Camp Howit

Chapter 9

SUNDAY

7

I backed up, but on hands and knees, I wasn't fast enough to get up and try to get away. I was tackled from behind, and Matty was suddenly on my back and pinning me down, holding a hand over my mouth before I knew what was going on.

"Think he saw?" the other boy asked.

"Of course he fucking saw! He was probably there the whole time! The little fucker!"

"Camp kid."

"No shit."

"Fuck!"

"No shit!"

I struggled, but I was smaller than either of them, and now they were both pinning me to the ground. One of them was obviously sitting on the back of my legs, too. It was getting hard to breathe.

"What the fuck do we do?" the other boy asked, sounding worried, but nothing as worried as I felt.

After a few seconds, my face was jerked up out of the dirt, and I was asked, "How long was you there you little bastard? What'd you see?"

I coughed and choked as soon as his hand left my mouth and I could breathe. After a couple of deep breaths, I said, "Nothing!"

"Oh, lying won't get you shit but trouble," Matty said into my ear. "Tell me what you fucking saw!"

"I don't know!" I complained.

I didn't know how to explain what I had seen, even if I had time to think and find the right words. Someone got off my legs and then sat down in front of me. My head was pulled up and I looked into the other boy's face. He didn't seem angry, like I expected, though. He looked scared, and worried, like I thought I would if I had just been doing what they had been doing and was caught by my parents. He was plenty frightening though as he lorded over me, my fate in his and his friend's hands.

"You from the camp?"

I nodded, very near to tears, but not wanting to be such a complete pussy as to cry in front of them.

"Just start or almost time to go home?"

"One more week."

"We can work with that time," Matty said.

"What d'ya mean?" the other boy asked.

"I mean... what's your name, kid?"

"Alex."

"You fourteen?"

I nodded. The six months difference didn't seem worth pointing out.

"Going to the academy in the fall?"

I shook my head.

"Some other high school?"

I nodded again, still trying not to let the tears start up and look like a complete puss.

"What d'ya mean we can work with that time? What're you thinking? How can we keep him from telling?"

"I won't!" I declared. "I won't say anything! To anybody! Ever! I promise!"

And boy, how I meant that. But judging by the other boy's face as he sat in front of me, he wasn't believing me.

"There's only one way to make sure he won't tell anybody, ever," Matty said.

I didn't want to die. Not there, at least, not then. I felt my teeth chattering and I was too scared to give a damn.

Am I really really destined to die at this place? If not by lightning, by being beaten to death?

"What're you thinkin', Matt! I see you churning away up there, you can't be thinking what I'm thinking you're thinking!"

"What?" Matty asked. "Kill him and bury his body on the other side of the river?"

"Matt!"

The boy in front of me seemed as shocked as I was.

"I'm kidding, Danny!" Matty said, and patted my head with his other hand.

He released some of the pressure he was using to hold my face up out of the dirt and let me hold my head up myself. His hand stayed over my mouth, though. He adjusted his weight so that less of it was on me, and I was able to take deep breaths again.

"No, not gonna kill the kid. There's a better way to make sure he don't want to tell what he saw."

The boy in front of me looked to be as confused as I felt.

"I say we make him part of it."

"What?" the boy named Danny asked, sounding as surprised as I felt.

He couldn't mean it. It was another trick, like the murder and a grave on the other side of the river had been. Right?

"He's never gonna tell anyone that he got his first good time with two guys in the woods, now is he?"

"You serious?" Danny asked, looking stunned at Matty.

"Serious. If he gets his first good time, and sees how much fun it is, why's he gonna go blab to everyone about it?"

"What? What if he brags about it!"

"Then he'll brag about the girl, not the two guys. Right? Alex, was it?"

I nodded, also verifying my name.

Danny looked at me, directly at me, into my eyes, and seemed to be reading what he could see behind them. I tried to tell him that I wouldn't tell anyone, ever, about anything, even if they just let me go right then.

Please, just let me go! I thought in near horror. I won't say anything! You don't have to do anything! Just let me go!

I nearly voiced the words, but couldn't.

I was rolled onto my back and Matty sat down on my stomach, enough to make sure I couldn't draw a full breath. He looked right at me. He smiled, and it was one frightening smile. He told Danny to hold my arms, and they were taken in an iron grasp.

I noticed movement, and when I looked down to my stomach, I saw that his pants were still down, and he was still excited, and was stroking himself. I felt a chill go through me when I realized that a boy was on my stomach, again. Just like Trey. And he was hard. And this time, his pants were down and he was playing with it right there in front of me. It wasn't that terrible day over a month ago, but it was too similar. Even worse in ways.

I recoiled, trying to get my hands away from Dan's grasp. He was bigger and stronger, though, and easily kept me under his control. Matty bounced on my stomach, like I was used to, but harder than I was used to. I lost my breath.

"Stay still, be quiet, and listen," Matty said as he leaned down to put his face right in mine. "And don't be scared."

Matty adjusted his position, and I could breathe better.

"Now look," Matty began, his lips inches from mine, his eyes inches from my own. "Don't worry. We are not going to hurt you. Okay? I promise you, kiddo. Alex, I mean. Honest. It won't hurt. Okay?"

He seemed to want me to nod, or say it was okay, but I wasn't going to.

"I know you had to be watching us the whole time. You had to be here before we even got here. You were, right?"

I nodded when he waited.

"So, you liked what you saw, huh?"

I felt my eyes grow wide and my mouth hang open.

He knew everything, and that stunned me. It was humiliating in an entirely new and horrifying way. That, and the similarities to that day that had led almost directly to what hadn't happened, together caused me to more frightened than I had ever been before.

"You stuck around, and even snuck up for a better look. Right?"

I didn't nod; I couldn't have.

Matty was smiling a small, little smile. It made me uncomfortable. Danny didn't look real comfortable, either. Maybe even a little worried or scared as he looked back and forth between me and Matty.

"So, since you're all curious and stuff, I'm gonna show you what you were missing. Okay?"

I didn't nod.

"It won't hurt, and you'll like it more than anything else in the world. Huh, Danny?"

Danny nodded and smiled. It was a fake smile, and I could tell that.

"He's telling you the truth. You heard us talking, right?" Danny asked.

I nodded.

"You heard what... what I said? How... good it felt?"

I nodded. Danny tried to keep looking at me, but he kept looking away. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I didn't care, though; I was beyond uncomfortable.

"It is. Man, it's the best feeling thing ever," Matty said.

"I know," I said firmly.

"Bullshit," Matty replied without hesitation.

"Over the summer, at a lake, this girl gave me a blow-job once."

"Seriously?" Matty asked, seemingly amazed.

I nodded.

"Bullshit. Tell me exactly what she did. Prove it."

"He just saw a blow-job, he could just describe that and fake it."

"She did! She said I should know what one's like. So she did."

It felt humiliating to tell them about that in such a way.

"So, what did it feel like, then?"

I cringed. I didn't want to describe that to anyone, especially someone I didn't know, and who was sitting on my chest after joking about killing me.

"Prove it!"

He shook me a little, and I could tell that he could have shaken me much harder if he wanted to.

"I did! She did!"

"What did it feel like!"

"Like somebody was pulling a pearl necklace through my dick!"

It was quiet.

That was the only way I had thought of to describe it to myself, so I hoped it was good enough for them.

"What else!" Matty demanded.

"Like, my balls were shrinking up and getting pulled out, too. Then it tickled so much I made her stop."

"Sounds like he's no virgin to me," Danny said solemnly.

"No kiddin'. You really had a blow-job? At thirteen?"

Twelve, I thought, but I wasn't going to correct them. I nodded.

"Since?"

I shook my head.

"Miss it? Wish you could have another one?" Matty asked.

I had, and I always had. I nodded.

"She made you cum?"

I shrugged. It had felt like it. Once I had grown a little more and started masturbating, and started having dry orgasms, I knew I had come, just not produced anything. Not until my first wet orgasm a few months ago did I know for sure.

"Do you know if you did or not?"

I shook my head, then shrugged.

"She did it all the way? All the way until you got off?" he asked as if he couldn't believe it.

I could only nod.

"You beat it off?"

How embarrassing! How could I answer that? The other questions were bad enough, but that one was beyond them. I couldn't even shrug.

"You can answer me or we can find some other way to shut you up."

I nodded vigorously, shamed to my core.

"Don't be ashamed of it. Everybody does it. I've done it since about your age. Danny does it. My older brother's been doing it for years, and my younger one just learned how. Everybody does it."

I nodded. Everybody shat, too, but I wasn't going to want to talk to them about that either.

"So, if you beat it off, you make cum yet?"

I nodded. It couldn't get any more embarrassing.

I hadn't noticed until then, but he had been undoing my jeans. They were open now and I could feel the air on the wet spot in the front of my shorts. I shivered, mostly in fear.

"Hey, Danny, sit under his head and let him keep his head on your legs. And be ready to lock his arms if he starts fuckin' with us. Okay?"

"Okay, but I ain't gonna hurt the kid. If you're gonna, might as well tell me so I can leave now. 'Cause if you do, I'll let him go and walk away."

"Dude, you ever know me to hurt somebody?" Matt asked, and even sounded upset or hurt.

"Well, no, but..."

"I'm not going to. He wanted to see what we were doing, then he watched us do it. He's curious, or interested, or something. I think he just wants another blow-job, right?" he asked the last of me.

I nodded.

"I sure bet he'd love to have another one. Right?"

He nodded at me, and I nodded back. I did, and I did want to do something with them, but not this way, and not being held down, and not being scared. I wanted to do what they had, together, with each other, in fun. But it wasn't going to be that way.

So long as they don't hurt me, they can do anything to me, just so long as they don't hurt me and then let me go.

Danny moved and picked my head up and laid it on his lap. He held my arms, gently, and so they weren't in such an uncomfortably awkward position. He looked worried or scared. I couldn't figure out why, as I was the one being held down by older boys.

I felt Matty's fingers crawling under the waistband of my underwear, and then down into them.

No one had ever touched me there. Or anywhere near there. Except Trey, accidentally during a wrestling bout over something I said to get him to wrestle the sense into me. I twisted under Matty and Danny, knowing that I couldn't get away. Not my body. My mind wanted away, though, and the memories of Trey and those wrong feelings couldn't be escaped physically. I could kill both of these boys, run away and get away with murder, and run as fast as I could for the rest of my life, but I would never get away from the memories. I could only lock them away, as I had. With Danny holding me down, after watching them do what they had with each other, and especially what Matty had done to Danny, and with Matty's fingers now touching me where no one had before, I tried with all I could to get away from the memories. They were out now, and I had no choice but to watch them and live them all over again.

My body twisted, but I was going nowhere. It was no use. And I wondered what I was so afraid of.

They ain't hurting me. And it's not like Trey. That was over, and Trey hated me, like everybody back there did. They wanted nothing to do with the fag. I try to get away from being gay, and I end up in a cute guy's bunk, and being hugged and helped out by him, all cute and nice. I get away from him, and I end up watching the gayest thing I've ever seen. Then I get caught watching them and they jump me. I deserve what happens. I'm a faggot. I stayed when I should have run. I was even out here in the woods alone because I'm such a faggot. This is all my fault, and I deserve it. Even if it is something... kind of like sex. Sort of.

Matty tugged my pants down, and then my shorts. I felt the outside air on my body where it usually never went.

"Well, well, check it out, little dude's primed and ready!"

I opened my eyes at last, the tears that had started now starting to run from the outside corners of my eyes and down my temples. I hoped they couldn't see them in the lowering light as the sun set and sent almost horizontal bars of light through the tops of the trees overhead. Danny moved so that he blocked my view of the sky above, adjusting the position of my head on his legs, and looked right at me.

He said, softly, "Don't worry, I won't let him hurt you. He won't anyway. He's not an ass or anything. We just wanna make sure that when you're back at the camp, you won't want to tell anyone what you saw out here. That's all. Okay? And you'll probably really like it. I did. It'll be okay. Then we'll let you go. Okay?"

I nodded, even closer to blubbering than so far. It seemed ridiculous. I was fighting with the fact that I liked boys more than girls, and now, two older boys wanted to do something with me I've been wanting to do with another boy for months. But it wasn't anything like I thought it would be. This was scary. And I didn't know either of them. I didn't know exactly what Matty was going to do to me, and I had no way to be safe or feel okay about it this way.

I felt him touching my dick. It tingled and tickled, and I was surprised it was even hard.

I heard Danny sigh a soft laugh. I looked up and saw him looking at me. Not down where Matty was starting to play with things, but at my face. He smiled a little wider and nodded.

"It'll be okay, little dude. Enjoy it. He's really good at it, too. I guess."

He shrugged, kind of laughed, and smiled a little more.

Surprisingly, I smiled back. Not much of one, but any smile I could produce right then seemed surprising. And Danny really looked worried for me, or concerned for me, or something. His hand began stroking one of my arms as he held both of my wrists with his other. His fingers brushed slowly up and down my arm. It was not only reassuring, it was kind. And it felt good. It was vastly different from the feelings Matty was stirring up below my waist, but it was noticeable and very welcome.

Matty moved around a bit, but I couldn't look away from Danny to see what he was doing. In a moment or two, I felt Matty pulling my jeans down further and spreading my legs wide, and then his hands were on my dick and balls.

I felt sick, and just wanted to fight my way out from under them and run away. I wanted to tell Greg about it, and their names, and that they said they were from the academy, and what they looked like. Everything. I didn't want to be a faggot, and this was going to make me one for sure. It was bad enough when I didn't understand why I liked boys, but now I knew why, and it was only worse.

My eyes got moister and my vision got a little blurry, and Dan's kind face and smile were hard to see. I fought back the threatening tears. I was not going to be a pussy. I was not going to cry.

It didn't hurt. At all. In fact, it felt great. Tingles and tickles started running rampant through me again, and I shivered. I gasped suddenly when Matty did something that felt even better. I lifted my head up, breaking away from the blurred sight of Danny trying to make me smile. I saw Matty with his face pressed entirely against my lower belly. Whatever he was doing was better than jerking it myself, and even better than what the girl at the lake had done.

My legs wanted to curl up, and my back wanted to arch.

"Oh, God!" escaped from my lips before I knew it was there, surprising me.

My head fell back onto Dan's lap and I saw again his smile, and his worry, and his fear. He brushed my hair away from my eyes with a hand and kept grinning. He wasn't saying it, but his lips formed the words, "It'll be okay."

Matty started jerking me off, too, but he was still sucking, too. It was incredible. I had never felt anything even remotely like it. I bit down on my lower lip and tried to squelch the girly squeals that I was making even though I was doing everything I could to be silent. I raised my head again, and saw that Matty's mouth was still covering me. He was bobbing his head up and down, and sucking at the same time. Then he pushed his face tightly into my lower belly, and I could feel his hot breath on my skin, and he sucked, and he must have been doing something with his tongue, too. My entire body went rigid and then started to shake. The intense pleasure between my legs grew stronger and spread out all through my body, making it tingle. It was too much!

"Oh, God!" again, and again I had no idea that I was going to say anything.

I dropped my head onto Dan's lap again, this time with my eyes tightly closed in a nearly agonistic level of pleasure.

Danny shushed me softly, and whispered, "Don't make too much noise. Okay?"

I nodded, nearly unable to do that much. What Matty was doing to me was excruciatingly pleasant. And scary. And worrisome.

But, oh by all that mattered, it felt so good.

I didn't know when, but Danny had let go of my wrists and I needed something to do with my hands, and I had seen Danny do it, so I put my hands on Matty's head.

"What the fuck!?" he snapped, bringing his head up and looking up at me and Danny.

"Sorry!" I said almost too loudly. "Sorry!"

"He's not trying to get away, at all," Danny said firmly.

Matty looked me over.

"You won't?"

I shook my head violently in the negative.

"So you won't say anything?" Matty asked.

"Not if you keep going," I said.

I don't know where it came from, other than I did really like the feelings that what he was doing was causing in my body, and I wanted more.

"Okay then, cool," he said as if he doubted me.

He returned his lips and mouth to my tingling gonads and my head fell heavy onto Dan's lap. The sensation of a string of pearls being pulled through my plumbing took over, and my body shuddered. I tried not to let it happen again, but I couldn't always stop the girly squeals all of the time. Sometimes Matty would do something down there and they crept out before I noticed them. I kept biting my lower lip, hoping that I didn't bite through it before Matty was done.

Before long I was starting to pant. Sweat had long ago covered my entire body as I almost writhed and wriggled on Dan's lap and under Matty's attentions. My whole body began to feel weak and tingly, as if I had been awake and moving around for too long. My mouth was dry from breathing through it for so long.

I wanted what Matty was doing to me to last forever! I never wanted that feeling in my groin, and in my gut, and in my chest, none of them, to ever end.

Matty's fingers played with my balls all of the time, and that was great, too. The way he moved them around, squeezed them, rolled them, felt wonderful. I loved it when he moved his fingers behind my ball sack and tickled the sensitive skin back there. I squirmed. Then, I felt his fingers going where I wasn't sure they should go. At least one was tracking downward, behind my sack, and eventually right over the top of my hole.

I gasped. I hadn't known it would feel like that. I was expecting a tickle of some kind, maybe, but not what rang out through me when his finger brushed over it.

I looked up, and Danny was grinning still, softly, and still looking at me, not what Matty was doing. He nodded again and mouthed, "It'll be okay,"

I nodded back, and even grinned a little around the expression of awe I probably wore.

Then Matty did something I had never considered before. At first I wasn't sure if what it felt like he was doing was really what he was doing, but I couldn't think of anything else that he could be doing that would feel like that. I had to fight even harder to be quiet.

I still wasn't sure what he was doing when he pushed and wriggled his finger, and I felt it go inside. There wasn't any doubt now.

It kind of hurt a little, pinched a little, and was uncomfortable a little, but it did something else, too. Something that I hadn't felt before, or even knew existed, either. As he moved it in and out a little, I groaned and then squealed.

I couldn't help it. It felt weird, and strange, and naughty, and scary, and dirty, and odd, and tingly, and tickly, and good. All at once.

His mouth and tongue and lips kept doing all those things to my dick, and especially at the end of it, while his finger wriggled inside The second blow-job of my life had my legs cramping and wanting to curl up under me, my back nearly in a spasm trying to arch my stomach and chest upward, and my brain was on complete overload.

I heard my breath coming in short, sharp, gasps, completely out my control. I stared at Dan's eyes as Matty touched something behind my balls, inside my hole, and the whole world disappeared into a red flash.

I heard myself groaning out a long, "Awww," that lasted as long as the entire, sudden orgasm. Every last ounce of my body and being was being pushed to the limits as my body tensed around my groin, over and over.

The sensation as my semen coursed through my plumbing towards freedom was overwhelming. I stopped breathing, or caring if I took breath ever again. My eyes locked with Dan's. I grabbed something and held on tight as my body repeatedly convulsed around my furiously working groin.

It seemed as if I could feel each and every sperm cell individually as they were forced at high pressure toward Matty's mouth. Every time a new wave of cum coursed through my urethra, it was as if I had never felt an orgasm before. My penis seemed to swell up too large for its skin, threatening to rip itself wide open in Matty's mouth as he sucked and licked it, and probed inside of me with his finger.

Whatever he was pushing on inside was incredibly powerful. It seemed to be the focal point of my entire orgasm. I could feel his finger against it as it seemed to pulse, too, in time with my dick and my orgasm. It felt as if his finger were pushing at the center of my orgasm.

As soon as it had started, it was over. My body dropped back onto the forest floor, my legs stopped trying to do the impossible, and my breath came back with an implosive inhalation.

I opened my eyes and met Dan's. He was grinning even wider now.

"You okay?" he asked, softly.

I nodded. I wanted to talk, but my mouth was dry, and I had no idea what I should say, anyway.

"Did you finish him off?" Danny asked, finally looking at Matty.

"Think he finished, for sure, right? I don't think he shot anything, though."

He had to be crazy, I thought. That had to be the biggest one ever, and I had to shoot out more than ever before!

Danny nodded at him, then looked back down at me.

"You get off?"

I nodded, embarrassed beyond belief, and trying not to laugh out of the sheer level of nervousness.

"Was it okay?"

I nodded even more vigorously.

"So... you're okay? I mean, you're not, I don't know, not hurt, or anything?"

"No," I barely whispered.

"See anything interesting in the woods tonight?" Matty asked.

"No. It was quiet. No one around. Just sat around a while then went back to the cabin. That's all."

Matty nodded and looked at me in an odd way.

"You might still say something."

"No way! Honest! I won't!"

I just wanted to be let go. I really wasn't going to say anything to anybody. At all.

"I just wanna make real sure. And I know just how."

I didn't like his tone, or his grin. Danny didn't either, I assumed, by what he said next.

"Matty, he won't say anything. He promised. Right?"

He nodded at me, and I nodded back, vigorously. Matty wasn't convinced.

"Get him on his knees," Matty said as he stood up.

His pants were still down at mid-thigh, and he was still hard. He started tugging and pulling it, stroking it.

"On his knees," he repeated.

"Matty, he's not gonna-"

"Not after he does me, he won't. How's he gonna tell someone he sucked a dick? He might tell that he got his sucked, but not that he sucked one."

"Matty, he's not-"

"No, he's not. Now come on, get him on his knees. Or you wanna risk being woke up by academy staff and the police in the morning? It won't hurt him any. And he sure loved what he got. Now let's see if he can give."

What Matty had done to me had felt wonderful. More than wonderful, or even just great. I wanted more of it, even if it was from them. I wondered briefly if I could somehow get them to do it with me again. I didn't want to do what Matty was seemingly going to make me do, not now, maybe later some time, maybe. It was an interesting idea, and one I was had looked forward to trying, but this was nothing like I had thought it would be like.

Danny stood up and pulled me up. I started to stand, but Matty kicked one of my feet out from under me, making me go to my knees by instinct.

He stepped up toward me and stuck his dick in my face, wiggling it with his hand. It was huge! I had never been so close to such a big one before. Matty's dick was so close that I could smell it. It was almost pleasant, and triggered something inside of me that fired up suddenly.

His large dick pointed directly at me, thicker than several of my fingers together. The light bush hair was barely visible in the near darkness. His balls were nice and large, and were hanging down in a way I found very nice. His cock softly bobbed with his heartbeat once he let it go and put both of his hands on my head near my ears. A drop of clear fluid was oozing out of the hole in the tip.

"Go ahead. It won't bite. You better not, either!" he warned, mostly in jest.

I swallowed hard, hoping that I didn't gag or puke. I wasn't sure what it would taste like, or feel like, but I knew I wanted to try it, at the very least. And here was my chance. No one would ever know about it, and these two guys sure weren't going to tell anyone. And Danny seemed nice. Matty didn't seem mean, just not as nice as Danny.

I looked from one of them to the other as Matty stood there, his dong in my face.

"You don't have to do it," Danny said. "You just gotta promise you won't ever tell anyone about what we did do. Ever."

"You gonna believe him?" Matty asked with a snicker and a doubtful leer.

"I do, I really think I would," Danny said gently. "He doesn't have to do that."

Danny looked at Matty, and they seemed to think it over. I had a chance to get out of this now, or I had a chance to do something I had been thinking and fantasizing about for months. I wondered how gay I really was. If it was passing phase, maybe this would get rid of it. Or I would find out that I really was a raging homosexual.

"Guys," I said softly, and once they both were looking down at me, "I promise on everything that matters, a bible, my parents, my life, I won't say anything to anybody about tonight. Ever. And to prove I won't..."

I reached out and grabbed his dick with my left hand, and slid my mouth and lips over the end of it. I sucked.

It was salty, and tasted like skin, just like Matty had said earlier about sucking Dan's dick. I let my tongue reach out and touch the end of it. That drop was salty and sweet, and I loved the taste. I pushed my tongue under it, then over it. I was sure that was what Matty had done to me, so I tried to do the same thing back. I hoped what I was doing felt at least as good as it should, if not as good as what I had felt a few minutes ago.

My stomach and chest filled with a warm thrill. The feeling of Matty's dick in my mouth and against me tongue was awesome. It was hard, but soft on the outside. It was smooth and velvety. The end of it was as soft as a marshmallow, but as hard beneath that as iron. The texture of little bumps and veins felt neat. The way the edges around the end of it stuck out as my tongue washed over them seemed poetically perfect.

"Oh, wow, not bad!" Matty crooned. "Fuckin' not bad!"

I slid down his dick, putting more of it into my mouth. I wondered how much of it I could fit. I moved down it as far as I dared, nearly making myself gag. I backed off a bit and sucked as hard as I could and licked everywhere my tongue could reach. The thrills spread out around my body again, and were almost as good as while Matty had been doing it to Danny.

"Fuckin', fuckin', a!" Matty groaned and pushed his cock further into my mouth.

It went too far and I gagged. I pulled my face away from him some. He pushed back in. I gagged again.

"Ease off!" I heard Danny say, sounding angry.

"No prob! Take it easy, man, he loves it!"

I did. I loved it. I felt like I had found out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. If I could have considered it a career, I would have signed up for training tomorrow and retired a happy guy in fifty years. Matty smelled good. Spicy and clean, and like sex. The smell in his groin was almost like a cologne. I had always wondered if it would smell gross down there on a guy, but Matty certainly didn't. He smelled great, and tasted great. When he grunted as his dick jumped on my tongue, and that salty, kind of musky flavor filled my mouth again, I wanted more and more. I sucked harder, stroked it so that more came out, licked it like a Tootsie-Pop lollipop and I needed to get to the caramel center without using my teeth. I took my mouth off of it and moved my pursed lips around the end of it, like I had seen him do to Danny. I stroked him then, too.

"Fucking yes!" Matty whimpered.

After a little of that, I put my mouth back over it and bobbed up and down on him, like he had done to Danny. I sucked strongly, licked like crazy, and started to play with his huge balls with my other hand.

"He's a fucking natural, Danny!"

I felt myself blush.

I was sucking a dick, and I liked it. I not only liked it, I wanted to curl up around it and never leave it. I was enjoying doing it as much as I had liked what Matty had done to me. Matty made girly noises and I felt his body shake for a moment.

"Man, I'm gonna let loose like a fire hose!"

"Don't make him swallow it," Danny said firmly.

"If you don't want a mouth full, better get ready to move when I move you, kiddo!"

I tensed, ready to dive to the side like a good soldier onto a hand grenade. But why?

I felt him shudder, then he panted, then warned me again.

I felt his dick swell up, like when it was letting pre-cum flow, but even larger. Then it jerked and my mouth started filling up with something hot, thick, gooey, and bitter. I ducked to the side. I felt some splash across my left cheek. It was almost hot. I swallowed. It was thick, and tasted funny, almost bitter and gross, but not that bad. It was just so thick and gooey, though.

I watched as a string of white flew out of his dick and fell into the dirt.

It's his cum! Real cum! Like what was in my mouth a second ago! Wow!

I almost felt as if I were going to shoot again myself. My dick twisted and warped and my balls felt heavy and hot.

More shot out as he grabbed his cock and stroked it. Three or four more times his dick spat white out into the dark, and I wished I had stayed there on him, feeling it coming out of him, tasting it, and swallowing it. I regretted moving away.

"Geeze! Fuck, man, nice head!" Matty said as he swiped the last of the white fluid off of the end of his cock, onto his finger, and then flicked it onto the ground.

I watched as he put his privates away, wishing that he wouldn't.

I wiped my lips with my sleeve and put on a fake smile. I plopped down onto my butt on the ground.

"You really okay, Alex?" Danny asked, sitting next to me and placing both of his hands on my shoulders.

I nodded and increased the smile a bit, trying to be as manly and macho as possible. Or at least not seem like some faggot who loved sucking cock.

"Sorry you found us," he added, sounding like he was being intensely honest.

It was too dark to see his face, only his eyes and teeth let me know where to look anyway. I shrugged in the darkness, not caring if he saw it or not.

"I'm not! That was wild!" Matty said as he walked past us. "Come on, Danny, we're gonna be late. It's after eight."

After eight? I was already in trouble.

Wait up a second, Matty," he said, as he waited for him to come back.

"What's up?" Matty asked as he rejoined us.

"I want you to apologize to him."

"What? Him?" Matty asked incredulously, pointing at me with a thumb.

"Yeah."

"For what? He watched us!"

"Yeah, but he didn't make us do anything. You made him... do stuff."

"Just so he'd never talk."

"Still, seems like we should apologize," Danny said. Then, "Alex, I'm really sorry. Honest. I... I just hope you're okay. That's all. Be okay. Okay?"

I nodded at him in the dark, and I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder.

"Fine. I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean to scare you or anything. Or hurt you any. Did I? Scare you or hurt you?"

I was still scared, so yes, he had. But not like he could have. And I knew it.

"It's okay. And... you didn't. Hurt me or scare me. Not a lot. Scare me, I mean. You didn't hurt me at all. Any. I mean, hurt? No."

I couldn't look up at them, even in the darkness where they couldn't look back at the faggot.

"So, we can keep it secret?" Danny asked.

"Yes," I said firmly, actually surprising myself. Then, "Honest, I won't tell about it. At all. I mean... " I wasn't going to say what I really thought about it, so I settled on, "I'm okay with it. Honest. Forget it."

I wanted to ask them if we could meet there tomorrow, and do it again. I wanted to ask, but I couldn't.

"Don't worry, you won't see us around any, so you won't be, I don't know, worried or anything. We'll stay out of the woods until your group goes home. Okay?"

I nodded, wishing that I could convince them to meet me there tomorrow night instead.

"Cool," Danny said, then thumped my shoulder and stood up. "You know the way back?"

I didn't have a clue. I said, "Sure."

"You really are going to be okay?" Danny asked.

He seemed really worried. Even really scared.

I said, "I'll be okay. Honest. Hope you guys don't get in any trouble."

"Probably will, but won't be the first time. We'll get out of it, or around it, or just do it and get over it."

They laughed.

I listened as they tromped through the woods toward the academy.

I felt alone. More alone than I could remember feeling since what hadn't happened had happened. I tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway. I didn't want to cry, it hadn't been all that scary, and I wasn't hurt at all, and it had actually felt incredibly good, all of it.

I knew that I had liked it, and I knew what that meant. I hadn't been sure I was going to be that way, and part of me said it could still be some phase I had to go through before I was normal. I didn't want to be gay, or to have liked doing that, but I had enjoyed it, so I must be gay.

I wanted to cry so badly, and I couldn't stop it.

I pulled my legs up to my chest, wrapped my arms around them, and put my head down on my knees. And cried. The trees called me the name, and now I couldn't hope to argue. I had watched two boys do things together, and had wanted to do it. I had watched a boy suck a dick, and had wanted to do it. And I had. And I had liked it.

I was a faggot.

My mind replayed the event, and when I remembered what I had tasted and swallowed, I vomited.

I wondered if I could forget it and put it behind me, like I had done with what hadn't happened just before I had moved. I knew I could get away from the camp, and would probably never see Matty or Danny ever again. And nobody else knew about it. Maybe I could. I tried.

I used what my speech therapy teacher had taught me to control myself, my breathing, my thoughts. I calmed myself down, and began forgetting what hadn't just happened. I couldn't forget what I was, though. That I would have to carry with me every second of every day. I couldn't get away from myself, only my memories. And now I knew they could come back without my wanting them to.

After some time, once I was again able to think, I remembered that it was after eight when they had left, and that had been some time ago now. I knew I was in trouble and had to get back before Greg and others came out there and found me crying like a baby. I figured I could say I got lost in the woods and that was why I didn't get back in time.

I finally stopped crying, and as I got up I noticed that my pants were still down, and that they and my shirt were covered in mud. It was no wonder. I had been sneaking around the boulder on hands and knees, was tackled by Matty from behind, landing on my front, then had been rolled over, sat on, played with, then had knelt in front of Matty. And then I had sat down and cried. All in the wet, humid, loamy and muddy forest floor.

I yanked up my shorts and jeans and started walking the way I thought I had come into the clearing from. It didn't really matter.

There weren't any more tears, just the simple, hard truth now, dissolving me from the inside like a slow, subtle acid as I stumbled beneath the trees in the dark, growing emptier and hollow inside.

I walked. Where to didn't matter. I didn't want to go back to the cabin, but I knew Greg would already be looking for me. I had to go back.

I walked and thought, and only grew emptier.

When I heard voices calling my name, I thoughtlessly turned that way. I prepared to meet my future as the homosexual.

I climbed up an incline, and when I hit the top I could clearly hear my name being called from not far away. I recognized the voices. I sighed and marveled at the cold, calculating, precise hatred of nature, or fate, or God, for the aberration.

In a few steps, a pair of flashlights cut through the darkness ahead. Robert and James called my name again, and I robotically responded, "Here."

In seconds they came running through the trees a few feet away.

"Alex, Cool! Over here!"

Then seconds later, the lights blinding me, I heard, "Alex! Mein Gott! Vas... are okay?"

I fell to my knees and burst into tears, not bothering to try to stop them. Robert already knew I was a pussy, and if he hadn't already told James, he would find out soon enough anyway. And now they both would find out that I was a dirty faggot.

"What happened?" James asked, and I felt someone remove my glasses. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

I could see far better without the mud-slopped glasses, it turned out. And without their flashlights shining into them. But the tears were still in the way.

I didn't know what to tell them. I didn't think it was a good idea to tell them the whole truth, whether I had agreed with Matty and Danny not to or not. I decided to stick with my original lie, that I was lost. I fell down a lot after it got dark. It was wet, hilly, and I couldn't see.

"You look like it!" James declared.

"Are, you, hurt," Robert asked slowly and distinctly.

And how.

"No."

Robert exhaled explosively, and James said, "Let's get moving. This way."

They pulled me to my feet, and an arm went over my shoulder. James was too short to do that. I almost flinched out from under it. I wanted to, but I figured that since I was such a faggot, what did I have to be afraid of? The tears stopped soon, and only shakes remained. I heard others calling my name, and James said he would run ahead and tell them I was okay.

"You truly okay?" Robert asked as soon as James was out of earshot.

I nodded and sniffled.

"Yeah. Just a fucking wuss. Got lost and cried like a baby in the woods."

"City boy," Robert said with a snicker.

That was true, too, and not nearly as bad as what the trees called me.

"Zey let you shower, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I hoped.

I looked forward to it. And clean clothes. And the bunk. And sleep. Just not the explaining to Greg.

"Am I going to have to take you to the hospital again?" he asked when I wrapped it up.

"No. I'm fine. I won't be walking in the woods anymore."

"I hope not. If you do, stay this side of the field, and don't go past the creek or the fences. Hear me?"

"Yes."

"Good. You sure you're not hurt anywhere? I can't see anything but mud."

"No. Not a scratch."

"Good. So, get some clean clothes and your shower things and I'll take you over there."

I nodded and Robert walked down the aisle with me. I didn't have to look to see the eyes looking at me. I wondered if any of them could tell, now.

"Good you are back," Robert said as I gathered things.

"Yeah. It'd suck not having my life saver around," James added.

I'm no ones life saver. I can't even save myself from myself, I thought.

I plodded to the showers with Greg, who didn't question my story. He instead told me stories of other campers who had been lost for hours. I had been a cinch, and no bother at all.

I don't remember saying anything. I showered, but parts of me weren't coming clean. I only cried a little. I dried and dressed and joined Greg outside. We walked back in silence. He held the door for me and said goodnight.

"Lights out!" as he turned toward his room.

I made the march of shame, eyes on my feet, hoping against hope that no one could tell.

As soon as I sat down the lights went off.

I lay down, grateful that they couldn't see the faggot any longer.

I didn't think, just fell asleep.

Alex - Camp 1 - -9