Greg's alarm clock, morning announcements, and exercises. Eyes down.
I'm a fag, but if I try to do something to make it obvious, it won't be allowed to happen. So, I roll along in the background.
Showers. Eyes down, James chatting and Robert silently somewhere nearby. Drying, dressing quickly, walking back to the cabin with James and Robert. Eyes down.
I had to be normal, or, at least as normal as I could be. You couldn't hide in the shadows and still get away with doing the unexpected, or anything different, or anything to stand out. You had to roll along quietly to get along quietly.
Bus to the academy, Robert as silent company. Most of the way.
"Alex, vas is wrong?"
"Nichts. And it's, what. You keep using vas instead."
"Vwhat ist vwrong? And nothing ist a lie."
The more you corrected some things, the worse others got. Like I should complain? I'm in the same shit, but with something more important than words.
I visibly sighed but remained silent.
"You vill tell me? If I can help?"
I nodded, knowing he was looking at me.
"Is a lie, too," he said firmly.
I turned, staring at him. For the first time I was angry at him.
What does he know if I'm telling the truth or not? And what gives him the right to demand I tell him anything? Or how I feel, or why? What's it to him?
"Iv nothing is, vwrong, why do you have anger?"
That made me even more angry. Furious, even. When he saw that, he only smiled wider, almost laughing at me.
I don't have to tell him everything about me! Damn it! Ugh!
The bus stopped and we got out and headed inside to breakfast.
"You can figure out why have anger later. I have a lot of hunger!"
"I am very hungry," I corrected him.
Breakfast with the noisy James, Dennis, and the twins. I kept my eyes on the table top or my tray, afraid of my thoughts if I saw the cute, red-headed Dennis. I was very glad that the seating rules had been relaxed by then so that Holt had moved elsewhere and wasn't a constant distraction as well. I had no idea what I would have done if both Holt and Dennis were sitting across from me. Classes, lunch again with the Terrible Trio and even Dennis, classes.
The classes were mostly getting things together for the paper, project, or assignment the class had set, and even allowing us some time to work on it. Some of the things they said could be helpful in study, research, or even presentation, were nothing new. A few things were, but then only the indexed notes system really stuck with me. I thought it could help me keep track of things better than without it.
So I had learned something useful from camp, after all. I had validly earned my room in my parents' eyes, and in mine.
A few future classmates tried to say hi, and I did return the greeting, but I was already in no mood to be polite and inviting, and there was no reason to invite disaster. The fewer people who talked to me, the better. It was easier to stay in the shadows and not be noticed that way.
Robert walked back to the cabin with me. It was much hotter than in the morning, and we were growing sweaty before we really covered any ground. He reminded me of the assignment for astronomy, and that we only had two nights left to get it done. We had to get to it soon, tonight if we could.
The assignment had to be done so that the teacher wouldn't make me stick out by asking why it hadn't been. And I didn't want to keep Robert from doing it, either. It would take two to do easily, though one could do it with more difficulty. Having to spot two targets, we could switch and each person do half of the work, and both get the full experience.
At first I had liked the assignment because it meant lying out under the stars. I liked doing that anyway. That I got to do it with Robert became another good reason to like the assignment and look forward to it. But now I was gay, and the assignment now mean lying out under the stars with Robert, while I was gay.
Once we were back at the cabin, he pointed at my Outdoor Survival pack.
"Can we use that at zie, um... camp sites?"
"What? The tent?"
He smiled and nodded.
It was possible. There were some other kids already doing that. I'd heard. I'd seen the camp sites down at the ends of the beach before, and I knew we could use them. But overnight? On a night we had classes the next morning?
"Ask Greg?" Robert suggested.
To camp overnight? To do the assignment? In my tent at the camp sites? All night? With someone else? Stay in a tent all night with, Robert?
We wouldn't have to be back at ten. But how would we get up in time for a shower and classes? Swim in the lake in the morning? Yuck. What about the bus? I'd have to stop here and get the notebooks, or take them with me tonight.
Robert stood up and waited. He was going to force me to. He was smiling nicely. He was cute.
He really willing to sleep overnight in a tent with the fag? He don't know. Would it be fair if I didn't tell him I was gay? Does it really matter that I am? To me. Can I sleep with him in the same tent? What about my plan to prove I was gay, so God, or nature, or whatever, could turn it backwards on me and it would fail to expose me as the homo?
He gestured. I was out of stall time.
I stood up and walked with him to Greg's office.
"What's up, guys?"
He was reading at his desk.
"Um, we got this assignment, to track and draw stars, and I was wondering, could we camp at the beach and do it? Do we have to be back at ten?"
"You have the astronomy assignment?"
"Go get your schedules."
We returned and handed them to him.
"Ah. You both got the star charting assignment, and you have Outdoor Survival, too, huh Alex?"
"You have your gear?"
"The little cabin there on the beach, with the big porch, that's the campsite office, and there's a staff member there twenty-four, so any problems and you go there, or he comes out. Check in and set up by eight, and he'll check your site. You know how by now in OS, so that should be cinch. Then no lights after ten. No fires but the pit, and it's out by ten. He or someone will check tents overnight. Screw around, break the rules, you're back here minus the equipment that doesn't belong to you, and you don't get it back. That means not finishing the assignment or taking the OS outing."
Ouch, strict, I thought, and then nodded.
"The staff at the beach cabin will wake everyone at six. Tear down your camp site, clean it up, and he'll check you out. Same rules, leave a mess, and you leave your equipment. Got all that?"
"You have a tent, you can both fit, right?"
I nodded. The idea of the night alone, all night, in my small tent, with Robert, was frightening. It was obvious that the universe, God, or nature, something hated the aberration and was determined that it suffer.
"Good. Then all I got to do is sign this camp site form," which he did, then handed to me with my schedule, and said, "Go get your stuff and you two head down there when you're ready."
"Fucking cool," Robert said on our way back to our bunks.
He's got that down pat, I noticed.
I grinned and nodded, because I thought that I was expected to. I kept thinking of the two boys in the woods together, and what they had done together, and wondered if somehow I could get Robert to want to mess around like that.
After all, guys mess around, and it don't mean they're gay. Right? How do I mention it to Robert, though? I'll never be able to! Forget it! If I even try, he'll hate me. I have to spend the night in a tent with Robert, and not be gay.
Before we got to our bunks I was nearly in a panic. I was almost panting and starting to sweat.
"Have schvim first. I back and ve go?"
I glanced at him as he sat down and opened his little dresser. He was cute, and I was gay. And I wanted him. I knew I did, and I knew that I did before I was so certain that I was really gay. I was attracted to him. And he was nice. And cute. And caring. And daring. And fun.
It was going to be so hard.
He stood up and dropped his jeans in one swift movement and put them on his bed. I turned and examined the room, blushing and almost angry he had dropped his trousers right in front of me like that. In moments he was sitting on my bed in his Speedos, smiling, towel over his shoulder.
He asked, "Get ready?"
"Now?" I asked, stunned.
"Yes! I vill schvimming be, then ve go eat und take stuff for to have on fire."
He was waiting for me to do something.
I did something; I blinked.
I thought, too, but the blink was the only thing he could have seen.
I couldn't stall any longer, and I couldn't come up with an excuse.
He grinned wider and nodded. So cute. He stood up and jogged toward the showers and the pool. I caught myself staring at him jogging away in his Speedos. I swallowed and turned away, and tried not to let it swell all the way up. It did, so I had to pretend to be doing things to something in the drawer and think about the astronomy assignment before I could continue getting things ready.
Once it went down, I pulled the tent from the huge pack. Also the water canteen and the fire starting kit. It all fit into the pack for the climbing gear once I put all of that into my big pack.
The telescope was next, then the notebooks and pencils, and the drawing tools, and finally my book.
I was wondering whether to try stuffing the sleeping bag into the bag or not, and thinking about the whole prospect, nervous and worried and scared.
"Room fur zings from cafeteria," Robert said, sitting down on my bed next to me, bouncing me, the mattress, and his eyebrows.
It was adorable, and it made me grin a little despite the worry and my nerves.
"Yeah. We can get stuff, I guess."
He stood up and stepped to his bunk, then, facing away from me, dropped his trunks. I spun toward the door. I had gotten a glimpse, and it had been enough to wake it up again. I'd never seen that part of someone before, and seeing that, and his sack hanging down from behind him was extremely arousing. I was almost angry at Robert, but I knew he didn't know what such normal behavior among normal kids did to someone who wasn't normal.
I pretended to adjust the packed things in the bag at my feet until he sat down next to me on my bed again.
He leaned over and dropped a few more things in the bag, then faced me and said, "Veady?"
He almost made my breath stop. The smell of shampoo and wet him was like the first scent of Heaven as you stepped past the Pearly Gates. He was beautiful. I had never thought that word about a boy before, and hardly often about even the most attractive of girls or women, but he was. As if right then I was suddenly at some peak of reception, or readiness, or perceptibility, and he was radiating strongly. I was detecting it, whatever it was. And it made me tingle all over, and inside. Even into my thoughts.
Which suddenly focused on what was ahead.
I could never be ready for spending the night outside, watching the stars, and sleeping in that small tent with another boy. Not now. And not any boy, but Robert. It was going to be so damned hard.
I shook inside.
"Come! Let's go!"
He jumped up off the bed and to his feet, then almost dragged me, the pack, and my sleeping bag away with him.
We headed to the cafeteria and stuffed things into my pack to eat at the tent. I asked why he had snagged so many packets of mustard. He just shook his head, mumbled, "Americans," and grinned.
I was incredibly nervous, but Robert was in such a great mood that I couldn't help but get caught up in it by the time we arrived. We weren't the only ones using the camp sites. Several had tents around them, all just like mine. One had two tents, another had four. There were still unused ones, too. Robert and I checked in, and were told to take the next unused site.
There was one tent at the last site being used, and no one near it. Or they were in the tent. He, or they. I wondered how many were solo in the tents. Some tents had a couple of kids we knew from the astronomy class at them, others only one person was near, or no one. I had recognized most of the kids at the fire pit where four tents were set up as kids in the Outdoor Survival class. Another from the class was sitting alone at his tent and fire pit, waiting to be checked out, I assumed.
We got set up, and Robert knew how to help. He seemed better at it than I was. It took no time at all, and we were ready to start a fire, but had to wait until the staffer checked us out. The firewood was stacked on his porch, and we retrieved enough for a fire. We didn't need much, and the narrow, short little branches and split wood wouldn't last long anyway without carrying a lot of it back to the fire pit.
We stacked and arranged the wood, I tore out a sheet of paper and got it lit, and soon the fire was going. We were checked out and passed. We were reminded to put out the fire by ten, and if he saw it burning after then he would come out and probably send us back without the gear. He sprayed us with bug repellent and left.
We pulled out the hotdogs from the cafeteria and speared them on twigs we picked up from near the trees. They roasted near the fire as we munched grapes, orange slices, mixed cheese cubes, and salty, seasoned Triscuit crackers, all from the dinner-line salad bar. The sealed bags of chips and such from further down the lunch line would stay fresh until later. We told jokes and stories, and talked about the most boring and mundane things, and had fun.
We swapped some slang words. I went down the list, and rattled off dork, nerd, geek, and weenie, all things I had been called more than once. He said that the guys he knew from school who were from Frankfurt were weenies. I laughed uproariously, and he didn't get it at all. I explained that the town someone is from is often used to label someone by adding 'er' to the end of the place they were from, like how someone from Berlin is a Berliner. I explained that the jerks from Frankfurt would be called Frankfurters, and that was also what hotdogs were called, as well as weenies. He started laughing, too.
It was fun.
As the sun set, we were looking out over the water, and the ruddy sunset reflected off the smooth, placid lake nearly perfectly.
It was all nearly perfect.
I only wished he were gay, and we were alone, and he liked me the way I felt that I liked him. And we could sit up next to each other, like in my bed that night during the second, smaller storm. I saw us looking at each other, grinning, laughing, kissing.
Fag thoughts! Stop it!
I snapped myself back to reality and put the gay away, slamming the door shut behind it.
I wished I wasn't gay, and could just sit there and have fun with him without having wrong thoughts or being a faggot. I just wanted to be normal and be able to enjoy myself like a normal person.
But it was still nice, still perfect, not just as much so.
"Sunset beautiful all over world."
"Sunset-s, can, be beautiful, all over the world."
So can boys, I thought behind my eyes, looking at his.
Fag thought, I warned myself.
But it's just me, behind here. What's the harm? And he is so cute. And nice.
I broke our eye contact and remembered the hotdogs when I smelled them suddenly. It must have been because I had started breathing again. We ate them, and I found out why he had brought the little packets of brown mustard. They really helped the hotdogs out, especially with the cheese, crackers, and fruit.
The staffer came through with cans of bug spray and we were liberally coated again, and reminded to keep our tent closed, in or out, or the bugs would be in there with us all night. He told us to have fun and have a safe night, and he or someone else would be in the cabin all night, awake, and would make a round of bed checks sometime during the night.
He left us as alone as we could possibly be. The guys at the next tent had also set up their equipment before the light had gone, and were waiting for full dark, like we were, sitting around the fire and pushing it around with sticks, and talking too quietly to be heard, except when they laughed really loudly.
Our fire made more noise than we usually did, and Robert and I seemed comfortable that way. We didn't need to chatter and yammer all the time. And sitting there, playing with the fire, and talking once in a while, we passed the time until the right stars were beginning to rise.
He nudged me, and nodded toward those distant points of light.
"So far," he sighed.
"So old," I returned.
The Milky Way was beginning to shine out, and without city lights I could see it so clearly I was stunned. Not since visiting relatives in rural Indiana had I seen it so clearly. And it wasn't even at its heighest and brightest yet.
"Pretty," we said in unison, then laughed.
The assignment wasn't hard, but moving the telescope to new coordinates was easier if someone was reading off the numbers to you. And recording new numbers when you centered on a new target, once you found it, was easier if someone else was writing them down.
We had two trails to follow, and two nights to do it. We could do it in one - together.
It was fun, though time consuming and often a waiting game. We filled in the time between sightings and the next steps with word exchanges and stories, jokes and comfortable silence. A sturdy breeze blew in from the north and west, and it was cool and dry. The temperature dropped into the sixties for a change. It was comfortable, a bit cool, and breezy. And clear. And quiet. And fun.
By ten we were nearly done, and a staffer had been through with more bug spray, doing the late bed checks, and seeing to it that fires were out. If we hadn't started the second set, too, we would have been done. We put out the campfire then lay out, spotting and tracking, writing by flashlight. By midnight we were done sighting for both assignments
The cool breeze blew strong and constant, and the trees sighed in it. They didn't call me the name, but they didn't know I was out on the beach.
We moved the telescope and our notebooks inside, made a check that the campfire was cold, threw more sand on it anyway, and double-checked that there wasn't anything lying outside. Inside the tent, we squeezed into our sleeping bags and zipped them up. After putting the telescope and notebooks away, we lay on top of my sleeping bag, and just had room for us and the pack. We opened the snacks and went to town, talking and laughing, using the light only when absolutely necessary.
Nearly an hour later, we heard someone talking in the distance, and had plenty of time to tidy up and feign sleep before the staffer arrived and shone his light on the front of the tent.
I unzipped the flap.
He asked our cabin number and leader's name, then said goodnight.
We waited, then giggled quietly, waited some more, and then went back to the snacks and the stories.
We grew tired soon, though, even though I wished we could stay up all night. I was having fun, surprisingly. Maybe it was that I couldn't see him in the dark, but I didn't think about gay things very often, instead just having fun with somebody in the dark tent while we were supposed to be asleep.
We were lying in the darkness, the talk fading down to longer and longer silences. The snacks were long gone, my head was on my forearms, and I was nearly asleep.
"I know somezing happen im voods. I zink I know vat. But do not matter vat. But if you vant to talk about it to zomebody, I vill listen. Somezing, happen to me, bevore, at home, and I vill tell you if you vant to hear. Make it easy so you can tell vat happen to you? Maybe? But sometime ven you feel to. Okay?"
I nodded in the dark. I had to swallow before I could whisper, "Okay."
He was being so nice, and sweet, and I felt guilty about using him in my plots and plans against the force working so hard to turn my plans backward on me. That he had brought the great mood to ruin by mentioning what also hadn't happened wasn't his fault, and he hadn't meant to, I was sure.
I didn't want the struggle, or the constant plotting and planning, all so I wasn't found out. There had to be a better way. Some way I didn't use somebody. Especially somebody so nice, kind, and gentle. And honest. And caring. And cute.
I wouldn't use him that way. Or anyone. I grinned, free of the worry of the next plot or plan.
"It... it do not have to be all you are. All you are, all. Only, somezing vat happen."
I wanted to cry again. He was trying to help me, but he was making me think of what also hadn't happened. And the original thing that hadn't happened. I could only be sad now. And hurt. And thinking about how much of a faggot I was. He didn't deserve to be stuck a tent with a homo.
"Is over. Not your vault. You did not do."
Yes I did, I thought. If I hadn't been out there at all... if hadn't stayed at all... if I hadn't tried to watch... if I hadn't stayed too long... if I hadn't liked what I saw... if I hadn't done what I did to Matty...
If ifs and buts were candy and nuts, we'd all have a merry Christmas, I thought, just as Gran would say about "if" situations.
But I had liked it.
I really liked it. I'm a faggot. I really am. It was my fault. I deserved it.
I choked for a moment, afraid that I was going to start crying. I couldn't let myself cry in front of him again. Not even in the dark tent with just him. I fought the tears back.
"I do not care, vat happen or no. I only care you be okay. Okay?"
His hand came to rest on my back, and I knew he could feel me fighting with the sobs like a baby.
I sobbed once more, choked more back, and finally said, "Okay. I'm okay."
His hand moved in small circles, comforting, and I tried to let it be only that, but wrong thoughts tried to color it. He seemed to move closer in the dark, and I was sure I could hear his soft breathing.
After some time, he asked in a soft whisper from just inches away, "You honest okay?"
"Honest-ly, okay" I corrected him before thinking. "And, yeah, I'm honestly okay," I lied.
I felt his body heat increase, or it seemed to, or it was the closeness as he snuggled up next to me and stayed there. My pulse raced and my breath came fast and shallow.
I decided that since I was gay, and he didn't know, and he didn't care if something had happened to me, that I would let myself feel okay with his hand on my back. When his entire arm came over my back, and his hand rested nearly on the other side of me, I sighed a little and let myself wish he would touch me all over. I started getting hard, and lying on my front I knew he would never know, so I let it. And I let my mind think those wrong thoughts about him.
His face was so close to mine now that I could hear his breath and feel it on my arm. His other hand seemed to find that arm and his fingers traced along it, very much like Dan's had. For a moment I thought of Danny and Matty again, but I was getting better at stopping those thoughts, too. I put them back in their closet.
What Robert was doing felt good, like what Danny had done, but better. It tickled a little, too. And without Matty down there, and not being so frightened, or worried, I enjoyed it even more. I reached out and felt his arm near mine, and started copying his gesture in the dark. I tingled a little, feeling like I was doing something sort of bad, but feeling good, too.
"Did, hurt you?"
"Gut. Glad. Alex?"
"I had to. Im vuds. Had to. Or, be hurt. He made me. But... I, vanted to."
I almost screamed, "You too?" even though I didn't know what he had been forced to do, let alone what he had wanted to do.
"Made me, uh, lutschen, ah, my mouth on him."
"Me too," I admitted in a stunned whisper.
"I... liked," he said slowly.
A wave of pleasant chills rolled through me suddenly at his words. I couldn't believe my ears. I was stunned. So stunned, that I said, "Me too," in a nearly hoarse whisper before I knew I was going to say anything.
He sighed, or finally breathed, or something. His hand on my side and his arm on my back became his arm around me. He snuggled even closer, and rested his head on my arm at the elbow as my head remained on my own forearm. His other hand came to rest on my other arm now, across me. He was hugging me even though we were lying side by side. And I liked it, a lot.
I began trembling deep inside.
I squeaked, like I had moments before what hadn't happened happened. It didn't seem anything like that moment, though. At all. But almost exactly the same, too. I felt those wrong feelings again, and forced myself to isolate them. I couldn't afford them again.
He was obviously so close we could have kissed. He was hugging me. His body's length lay all along the length of mine. He was nearly lying on top of me. He was warm in the cool night air. I tingled all over, inside and out. And he had been through it, too. I wasn't all that alone. And he had said he had liked it, too. Maybe I wasn't such a freak.
And he was so nice, and caring, and cute. Even sexy, I finally admitted.
I coughed to clear my throat, mostly in nervousness, as I knew it had nothing to do with that irritating squeak I so rarely made.
"Yes" I said softly, finally, trembling inside and out, and hoping that he couldn't feel it.
"Alex, can... will... be okay, if I ask you take shirt off?"
A thrill coursed through me at the words. It was too much like what hadn't happened. I felt as if I were in some kind of circular story, where things happened over and over again. I wondered what would happen this time. Especially if I took my shirt off. Robert seemed to be gay, or at least to have done something that was gay which he said he liked doing. We had shared some talk, that was all. But now he was lying next to me, with his arm around me, after sharing such secret things, and wanted me to take off my shirt.
Those thrills ran rampant. I felt my heartbeat accelerate and my breath grow rapid. The sweat and tingles began, too. I wanted to take off my shirt, and his, and so much more, too, but it was such a risk, and so entirely frightening.
"No is okay. Will understand if no. But, I... " he sighed very deeply, sounding as if he were shaking violently. "I like you. I vant to, to, be... with you."
Those wrong feelings took over. I had no choice. Suddenly I wanted sex with him so much that I didn't care if we were discovered. I didn't care if it meant that I was a homosexual. I didn't care if everyone found out. I wanted to. I wanted to with him. I wanted him.
It was almost too good to be true. It seemed so, anyway. Insanely so. It couldn't be happening. Not to me.
"But if you do not want that I will be happy with no. Please do not unlike me is all I want to ask. Okay? Please?"
Not like him? How could I not like him? I wondered in shock. How could I say no, either?
I pulled my shirt off over my head, and I heard him taking his off, I assumed. His hand found my chest and it moved over my skin, making my breath catch deeply. I was suddenly dizzy and lightheaded, so much so that I nearly vomited. As soon as I had taken several steadying breaths, though, and Robert's hand had roamed over my chest for several seconds, my muscles began responding to my wishes. I reached out and found his bare chest in the darkness. I explored his chest, belly, and sides, our hands roaming over bare skin. I tingled, and not only where his fingers and palms gently brushed my skin, but inside, too. And not just from that contact on my skin, either.
The sound of our breaths seemed loud enough to be heard back at the cabins. I could hear his breath, ragged and shaky, the same as my own. I trembled nearly violently. It was amazing. His hand travelled down my front until it passed below my navel. No one had ever touched me there before, and the sensation was exquisitely pleasing. When his fingers passed over the button on my jeans and then found and cupped my groin, I felt my entire body tense. I knew he could tell that I was hard, and his fingers traced over its shape, making me shiver and my breath catch again.
I let my hand travel down his front, the wonderful warmth and smoothness of his body making me ache. As my fingers first touched the material of his jeans, I felt my groin tense and tingle, and I worried that I was about to shoot into my shorts. I knew that he had to have been able to feel my cock jerk and jump under his fingers. I snickered out of sheer embarrassment and joy. He laughed, too.
He didn't ask to unfasten, unzip, or take down my jeans, or my shorts, but he did. Slowly, and gently, and carefully. His hand slid up my thigh from my foot after he took off my jeans and shorts. It tickled insanely, and nicely. Suddenly my balls were being played with and his warm, wet lips were spreading over my head, and then sliding down me, and then he was sucking, too.
I tingled, all over, even more than in the cave as I had watched the two boys last summer. More than in the clearing with the boulder, with Matty and Danny on the other side. Even more than as Matty did what he had done to me. Even more than while sucking Matty's dick.
His warm hand held my balls and his warm, wet mouth closed over my hard dick, sucking and licking it. He was soft and gentle, and it was so much better than when Matty had pawed and mauled it. It was even better than what the girl had done last summer.
It was exquisite, sweet, delicate perfection.
I gasped, and sighed deeply, and shuddered.
"Oh, gawd," I groaned as his suction increased and his other hand began moving the skin of my dick over the hard core.
I felt that throbbing pulse, deep down, and then through and up, and I knew he was tasting it right then. His tongue seemed to find the hole and swab it. Then it was swamping my entire head, and kept at it, and it was shatteringly good. I began twisting and shivering.
I was not going to last long. I wanted to do it to him, too.
I got up on my elbows, gasped when he tugged my balls downward a bit firmly, and then said, "I'm, um, can I do you? Before, uh, like... oh-my-gawd! Wow!"
I fell onto my back and curled sideways as he went further down on me than before. It felt better than anything had ever felt in my life. I felt his nose pressing into my skin, his lips all the way down on me, in the few hairs around the base of my dick. It felt like he was massaging my entire dick, inside and out, and slowly pulling that long, continuous string of smooth, warm, gently electrified pearls through me.
I gasped again, even deeper than previously, and tried not to curl up over his head and my groin. That was a powerful reflex, though, and hard to fight with such powerful sensations wracking my body.
"Oh... gawd... seriously!" I warned him, one word at a time, hoarse whispers gotten out between almost-gasps.
I shuddered as that tension and pressure triggered that something, and things started chugging in synch. It was too late.
"Oh gawd! It's going to!" I choked out in near agony.
He wrapped his hands around my butt cheeks and seemed to sink even lower onto me. I wondered if I was going to poke through the back of his head. I knew I wasn't long enough, but it felt like it was a real possibility all the same.
I stopped resisting the urge to curl up over my groin and around his head and held on for dear life itself as I convulsed and began releasing a pulsating tide of wet cement into his mouth. Hot, coarse, wet cement.
I somehow remembered to be quiet and didn't scream as my body twisted around him. I gasped and choked deep in my throat, again and again.
The thick, viscous, and heavy load disappeared into his mouth, body-wracking convulsion after convulsion. I worried that I might suffocate him, wrapped over his head so tightly for so long. He didn't seem to mind, though, and wasn't leaving my cock or balls alone for a pico-second. I began to squirm and nearly squeal as the waves of released fluids waned. He didn't stop, though. My dick pulsed and felt like millions of mouths and tongues were all over it, and it was all too much to be handled. It had to stop!
I grunted the order, and he slid up and off of me quickly. I panted and tried to return to Earth.
"Yes!" I laughed, feeling like the entire world had changed.
He lightened his touch on my sack and acorns, and toyed with them softly. When my breath was back, I noticed a regular motion of his body against mine, and I heard a regular sound - a familiar one. I realized that he was jacking himself off. His breath was quick, too,
I'll have none of that, I thought, and dove down into the darkness onto his body.
He lay on his right side, his left hand taking care of himself. No longer. I pushed it aside with my own, and replaced it with my lips. He rolled onto his back with my gentle push urging his to do so, and my hands began roaming over his thighs and chest as my lips slid up and down over his head, pushing his foreskin back and forth over it with them. He tasted very salty and more musky than Matty, and more pleasant, too. And more came out of his hole as I began sucking and slid down a little, now his entire head in my mouth and my tongue beginning to play with the hole in the tip.
"Ach, mein Gott," he groaned softly, sinking into the sleeping bag and resting a hand on my shoulder.
I felt him shudder or shiver, like I had, and I knew I was doing it right. I thought about Matty, and it didn't bother me in that bad way so much, and did what I had picked up from watching him working on Dan's dick, and practicing on him myself.
Robert obviously liked it, a lot. And that made it that much more fun and even better for me, knowing what pleasure I was giving him. I was being filled with electrical shocks that ran through my entire body. I was sucking a dick again, but not being forced to this time. And the dick belonged to the cute, sweet, wonderful Robert. I was as happy as I could remember feeling for a while.
He sighed my name and I felt wonderful. The thrills and chills were coursing through me and I was floating on air.
I was gay, and I liked being with a boy, and especially Robert, and I loved what I was doing with him. I loved that I was making him feel so good. I loved how his hard dick felt in my mouth, and as my tongue played with his long, loose foreskin and roamed over his smooth skin and the edges of his head. I loved how his balls felt in my hand. I loved how he smelled, how he tasted, how his body felt under my other hand as it roamed all over him.
When I changed to using my pursed lips to rub against his hot head, his foreskin flapping almost loosely at the tip, he shuddered and groaned, and said, "Gott! Alex! Fantastisch!"
After doing that for a while, I went down as far as I could, until his sparse pubic hair around the base tickled my nose and lips. He groaned deep down in his chest. I loved that sound, and wanted to hear it again, so I stayed there and sucked and licked. He repeated it, and began humping my mouth. I let him, and moved a hand so it slid his loose skin up and down his hard shaft as he pumped his hips.
We did that for a while as he whined and gasped and twisted underneath me. When I slid up his almost long, nearly thick cock, and over the head with my lips, holding the loose foreskin back with my stationary hand, his entire body shuddered and he groaned so nicely. I released it with my mouth, held the skin and stroked it. It made wet, satisfying noises, and he sighed nicely. I wished I could see his face, and hoped I got to some other time.
I pulled his skin all the way back and my hand met his hairs again. My thumb told me his head was almost even with my first finger, but not quite. He was only a little longer than me. That didn't seem right. He had looked far longer than me. It was usually almost full the times I had seen it, but my hand didn't lie. I pushed back a bit more firmly against his pubes and placed my lips along my thumb and first finger, making a ring of them. The tip of his head was fairly even with my thumb and finger, and no longer. I felt the wet places with my other hand, to make sure.
We were about the same size. And he was as hard as wood, or iron, or the proverbial teenager.
"Oh-h-h! I've never done! Ist zo gut!" he whined.
He shuddered and his legs tried to move almost as if he were walking.
"What? Just holding it back like this?"
"Ja! Tight! Awww!"
I continued holding his foreskin back tightly, the side of my fist buried in his faint bush, wishing I could see it all. I could smell it, though, and I liked it. He trembled a little and groaned a little, and I squeezed his dick a little. He sighed a soft, "Ah, Godt," and then shuddered a little again.
I couldn't stay away any longer, so I dove back onto his long cock and tasted more salty goodness. I played with it with my tongue and lips, getting to know every inch, every bump, every ridge, every curve. It fit well in my mouth, not as long as Matty's, or as thick.
I really loved it. I was so gay.
"Mein Gott! Alex! Scheisse !" he grunted as quietly as he probably could. He shuddered, then his legs locked, and then he grunted, "Aww, jetzt!" under his breath.
Suddenly his dick warped, or twisted, or something, I felt it move in my mouth all of its own, then it jerked and I felt hot, thick, warm, sticky, musky stuff filling my mouth. Again. And this time I didn't feel like it was wrong. I thought about moving like I had when Matty had reached that point, but Robert hadn't. He had let me cum in his mouth, and I wanted him to cum in mine, so I stayed. He had, did, so I would, and did.
Waves of it came, tasting salty and musky, earthy and mildly bitter. I swallowed. More, and more. He bucked and grunted under his breath. He shuddered and trembled. He groaned. More. I swallowed again. Thick, then thinner, then milder and yet thinner, then mostly salty and thin, and then his cock stopped pulsing as much, and his body shivered all over.
"Sense!" he hissed and them pulled my me off of himself.
I let him, slowly, his cock pulsing twice more before it shuddered along with the rest of his body just as my lips wiped his head clean.
I released his foreskin with one hand, but played with his balls with the other, just as he had done. I loved how they felt, all warm and soft, firm but yielding, rolling around between my fingers.
I was so gay.
And it wasn't such a bad thing, or such a big deal. Not with Robert. Not alone together.
He panted as I settled into place, face just inches from his. I had been given the third blow-job of my life, and the best one, by the second boy. Certainly the cutest. And I'd given my second, and had liked giving it even more than I had the first. And it was to the cute Robert. And I liked Robert very, very much. And he seemed to be gay, for sure.
I was gay, no doubts now, at all.
And it wasn't such a bad thing. Not so long as no one knew, but someone knew, and was with me.
As long as I wasn't alone.
We lay there for a while in complete silence. I was happy, content, and more. We held each other's hands in the dark, breathing onto them together. It was perfect.
"Can ve sleep as in your bunk?"
"Like this?" I asked, then let go of his hands, rolled away from him, and tucked up a bit.
"Yes," he said as he settled in behind me, up against me, and a little bit over me. Then he draped his arm over me.
This is nice, and I like it. Again. And this time, it's okay to like it. More than okay.
He sighed nicely, and seemed to settle in closer, and tighter, and nicer, his breath on my neck and cheek.
"Das ist schoen," he sighed very softly into my ear. "Meine Beschuetztler."
I took his hand from my chest and held it with both of my own near my face. I held them to my lips, almost like a kiss, but softer, stiller, more a salute. To him.
He tightened his hug. I sighed, slowly and contentedly.
I could feel the front of his body up against my back, all warm and soft and wonderful. And we had done it. And his arm was around me. And his mouth near my ear. And his hand in mine. And his taste still in my mouth, and not unpleasant at all.
"Tomorrow night. We come back. Okay?"
I couldn't believe I had said that so emphatically, so enthusiastically. I felt like an idiot - until he laughed that short, tiny little cute laugh of his and snuggled up against me even more. We laughed together.
We were safe, and warm, and cozy, and comfortable.
I didn't mean to fall asleep instantly, but I did.